You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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