If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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