My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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