dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
