I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
honey bunches of taint.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
