the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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