he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
