I think I won the penis lottery.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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