I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
