okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
