the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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