So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
