i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
