Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I did not marry a roomba.
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