i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
