Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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