Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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