I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
