One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
