In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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