Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
