She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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