If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
