the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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