I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
