Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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