Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
