Already got asked if we're dating
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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