I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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