That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
