Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
