omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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