Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
