I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
