I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
