walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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