Fuck appropriateness.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
