so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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