so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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