your thong is hanging out like whoa
someone threw a dead crab at me
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
