I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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