my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
