Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
