apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
