Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
