dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
