Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
