Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you never un-have a 4some
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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