I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I want is dick and wine.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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