So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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