my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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